As usual, it's been a while since I've written. I often think about writing and even begin composing blog posts in my head. And then my day goes on and it all goes out the window and another day has gone by with no writing. Is that weird that I narrate to myself during the many hours I spend in the car?
Anyways, it's been an up and down time for me lately. This is kind of usual for me and probably for most people. I met someone about a month and a half ago that I started dating and things have been going pretty well until recently. We have lots of fun together and laugh and talk about lots of things. He works a lot and doesn't get a lot of time off so most of our time spent together consisted of me going there after he got out of work and making dinner together or hanging out. We went out a few times and I met one of his friends. The thing that began to bother me was that when he did actually get time off work on the weekends, he always made other plans. I got upset when recently he made plans on Friday evening and then for the entire weekend and then offered me time on Sunday evening at 5PM. I reacted a little emotionally and felt like I acted like a needy girl. I do what I always do and I made snide comments through text and then felt bad and apologized. I felt really horrible on Friday and I cried on and off most of the day. I couldn't get myself out of the funk. I came home Friday night and just vegged out. That's when I sent the apology text. I didn't hear back from him on Friday, which was his "guys night" with the guys from work. I also didn't hear from him all day on Saturday. I think I kind of "prepped" myself on Friday that this was probably done given the signs. I think I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's disappointing but I know I'll be ok.
Saturday was a pretty good day. I spent some time with my friend Kim getting our nails done and then I took her to breakfast for her birthday. Then I came home and took a nap (even though I should have been working). I went to my friend Kristen's for a clothing swap and cookout and had a really great time with my friends and even got to roast marshmallows for the first time this year! I'm really grateful to have such wonderful friends. I talked to my friend Jacqueline and she listened to my tale of woe. It helped me feel better. I'm really just more disappointed. It gets kind of lonely in this big house and it was nice to have someone to share time with who made me feel happy and who made me laugh. I'm disappointed that he did the "ignoring" thing and didn't just tell me that he was upset or "done." I've told him several times how hurtful that is and asked that he just tell me that he was uninterested or upset. I'm sure that he didn't like my emotional response but it was one bad day for me and although the way I reacted wasn't the best, my feelings were valid. I'm tired of the whole dating thing and wonder if there is a guy out there for me.
I know that having a boyfriend or a husband isn't the most important thing in the world but it sure would be nice to have someone to share time and expenses with. I think I just got a taste of what "could" be so it's disappointing to be right back where I started. Granted, I am in a much better place than I was a few years back but it was kind of a tease. I guess I should just learn from my mistakes and move on to my next challenge.
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